talk therapy

How does it help?

When we share our thoughts and feelings out loud with another person in real time, we are able to process them differently. In that relational, vulnerable mode, we fundamentally shift our perspective on our own experience, and we can see our patterns and defenses more clearly. What was unconscious becomes conscious. Working with this new awareness, we have more control over our thoughts and emotions.

When is it needed?

Many people choose not to do therapy because they don’t feel a need for it. That’s fair. From certain perspectives (e.g. insurance companies), a large swath of the population does not “need” therapy. These people are raising bright children, growing their careers, and engaged with their communities. They love their partners and have deep friendships. And yet still: life is hard. Every single one of us suffers. It happens on a spectrum and varies widely in kind, but life is not easy on anybody, because suffering (or basic discontent) is all relative. Talk therapy is an effective way to metabolize the difficult experience of being alive in a body, dealing with other people.

Also, in getting to know ourselves better in the therapeutic relationship, we can work more consciously at befriending ourselves. And we can see the manifold subtle ways in which we put ourselves down. Sometimes way down. Talk therapy can also be an opportunity to explore the more philosophical, existential, and spiritual questions of life. Everything is fair game—except small talk, of course!

my preferred modalities

  • Internal family systems

    IFS provides a rich framework for exploring the different “parts” of the self. We all have about fifteen of these sub-personalities that come to the fore in different situations. Getting to know one’s different parts is, in my experience, an essential part of healing and growth. When working from the IFS perspective, I might ask clients questions like, “In holding this belief or directing this behavior, what is that part of yourself trying to protect?” Or, “If that part of yourself were to walk into the room right now, how would you feel toward it?”

  • modern psychoanalysis

    Here, the therapeutic relationship (the dynamic between client and therapist) is a primary reference point. Working from this perspective, I might point out moments in which I feel disconnected from a client during the therapy session, or I might ask a client what he or she imagines I might be thinking or feeling in a given instance. Modern Psychoanalysis also borrows from its traditional predecessor in the importance it places on early childhood experiences. I tend to agree with this theory’s assertion that most of our present day psychological struggles originated in our family of origin. Therefore a question I commonly ask is, “How old is this feeling?”

  • somatic approaches

    These involve getting curious about one’s physical experiences in the here-and-now of the therapy session. Questions like, “Are there particular sensations coming up as you talk about this experience?” and “If that sensation could talk, what would it say?” are typical of this modality. Many of us are well-versed in the goings on of our discursive minds, but we’re rather oblivious to what’s happening below our necks. Stripping away all the neck-up messages and tapping into our immediate, felt experience as it exists in the body is an essential element in reducing all kinds of suffering.