talk therapy

When it comes to conducting psychotherapy with individuals, my motto is “keep it simple.” Nine times out of ten, when people seek therapy it is because they’ve done so much complicated thinking about their problem that they’re exhausted and at a loss. Talk therapy isn’t about thinking—at least not in our usual, problem-solving way. Rather, it’s about feeling, and connecting with a deep sense of knowing that’s always accessible beneath—or beyond—our conditioned modes of thought.

As a therapist, I tend to follow your lead. I don’t want to be too directive, because I want to allow space for things to arise in your consciousness, unrestricted by anyone else’s agenda. When you talk about a problem you’re trying to solve, I practice lots of mindfulness around my own urge to start problem-solving with you. That would be a waste of energy, because you’re plenty good at problem-solving already and would have “solved” this one long ago, if it actually were a problem to be solved. Also, if I’m trying to think of solutions while you’re talking to me, then I’m not actually listening to you.

Therefore, my approach to therapy is more process-oriented. While I’m interested in the content of your experience (what happens to you), I am much more interested in how that experience feels.

Talking about feelings with an attuned, professional listener gives you an opportunity to process them differently. In that relational, vulnerable mode, you fundamentally shift your perspective on your own experience, and you can see your patterns and defenses more clearly. What was unconscious becomes conscious. Working with this new awareness, you have more control over your thoughts and emotions. You know yourself better and trust yourself better and can navigate life’s endless challenges with more confidence and self-compassion.

my preferred modalities

  • Internal family systems

    IFS provides a rich framework for exploring the different “parts” of the self. We all have about fifteen of these sub-personalities that come to the fore in different situations. Getting to know one’s different parts is, in my experience, an essential part of healing and growth. When working from the IFS perspective, I might ask you questions like, “In holding this belief or directing this behavior, what is that part of yourself trying to protect?” Or, “If that part of yourself were to walk into the room right now, how would you feel toward it?”

  • modern psychoanalysis

    Here, the therapeutic relationship (the dynamic between client and therapist) is a primary reference point. Working from this perspective, I might point out moments in which I feel disconnected from you during the session, or I might ask you what you imagine I might be thinking or feeling in a given instance. Modern Psychoanalysis also borrows from its traditional predecessor in the importance it places on early childhood experiences. I tend to agree with this theory’s assertion that most of our present day psychological struggles originated in our family of origin. Therefore a question I commonly ask is, “How old is this feeling?”

  • mindfulness approaches

    When taking a mindfulness tack, I might ask, “Are there particular sensations coming up as you talk about this experience?” Many of us are well-versed in the goings on of our discursive minds, but we’re rather oblivious to what’s happening below our necks. Stripping away all the neck-up messages and tapping into our immediate, felt experience as it exists in the body is an essential element in reducing all kinds of suffering. “Mindfulness” might therefore be more appropriately called “mindlessness.” It invites us to drop below thought and get more habituated to the abiding openness of the present moment.